The Harlem Sessions

I.
My grandmother is 87 and cannot read
I think this is why my mother collects master’s degrees
She finds validation in her schooling
But I suspect she is illiterate too-
I haven’t seen her read a single book in all my life.
The American educational system is the only one I know
That rewards anti-intellectualism
II.
I keep reminding myself
"Not all those who wander are lost"
But I have been deferring my dreams
For so long
That I do not know what they are anymore
I know I’ve been living
Or I suppose existing
for the past 5 years
I just cannot remember anything that has happened
But I certainly remember
Everything that has not.
III.
Perhaps, this year
I will covet the tangible
It might nice
To get what I want for once.
The existential has proven unsatisfying.
I am tired of this unrequited love
That I have for the universe
I suspect this is why Camus
Ended up a nihilist.
He knew what it took me 27 years to figure out
That we must choose between
Emptiness and nothingness
And nothingness, at least, doesn't hurt.
IV.
And even if it will never fix anything
Perhaps an apology should have been offered
Some wounds may never heal
But a little ointment
And a band-aid
Surely helps.
I am afraid
Of how you will remember me.